Here’s something I’m embarrassed to admit: Over the past three years, I’ve gained 40 pounds.
My wife says you can’t really tell and that I carry the weight well, but I’m not so sure. I’m the one who can feel my jeans pressing tighter at the seams, feel the boundaries of my body expanding farther away from my skeleton.
And honestly, it causes me a lot of shame. I’m embarrassed of the lack of self-control and wisdom and proper self-care habits underlying the weight gain.
But Kalyn most likely is right. I probably do hide the weight well, because I’ve had a lot of practice carrying extra weight and burdens and shame without people noticing. I carry anxiety well, and you can barely notice my depression, and you’d never know there were ghosts that won’t leave my mind alone unless I told you. Is physical weight really all that different than emotional weight?
And with those burdens, I’ve found that good things happen when I don’t keep them hidden. When I tell you that I struggle mightily. That’s why I’m sharing this with you.
Gaining weight is painful and losing weight is difficult and there’s a whole lot of shame constantly spinning around in all of that, and sometimes that shame won’t let go. But by cracking open the blinds on the parts of ourselves we’d rather keep hidden, the shame loses a little bit of its strength. The weight feels a little less heavy.
We can’t carry our burdens alone. It doesn’t matter if they are physical or emotional, we can’t do it. We need to pry open the blinds. Let some light in. Release some darkness. Give ourselves some fresh air.
You don’t need to be perfect. And if you are carrying extra weight in any form, you are not alone. I’m there with you.