When I was in high school, I was carrying around a lot of pain. I am not sure where it came from, but my heart always hurt. I also couldn’t believe that God loved me. I am sure the two had something to do with each other.
Sometimes, late at night, after being at a friend’s house or a basketball game or something, I would go to a parking lot where I knew know one would see me and I would pound the ground until my hands started bleeding.
The whole time I would be crying and begging God to make things better. To help me feel loved. To help me not hurt so much inside.
But these times never helped me feel any better. They only left with me with more questions and scratched palms.
Because being in pain does not make feeling pain go away. Being in pain does not make you feel loved. Pounding concrete will not make God hear you better, it will most likely just prevent you from hearing God better.
I know this makes sense logically, and I also know this sometimes doesn’t make sense emotionally. But it’s true nonetheless.
If you, like I was, are carrying around pain and don’t want to be. If you, like I did, want to feel loved but don’t. If you, like I did, are hurting yourself to feel better.
You are not alone. You are loved, and your pain will go away. But stop looking for healing in concrete. Stop looking for healing in pain. You will not find it there.
You will find healing in Jesus. You will find love in Jesus. Sometimes it may take longer than you like, and some days it might feel like you can’t take it anymore. But take some time to quiet your soul. Take some time to listen to God. He is whispering I love you, I have felt your pain, and I will heal it.